Claire Conger

So yesterday, while we were sitting in the sun waiting for wind, my friend Isabella and I were hashing over ex’s. We pretty much concluded that we like being single.

Isabella’s ex is around all the time—suddenly he wants to windsurf everyday where as when they were married, he never came down to the marina. Now he invites her for coffee! I imagine that it turns her stomach to see him, but she says it’s just like seeing anyone else, it’s as if she’s forgotten that they ever even dated.

Ours were nasty divorces and we’re happy to be done with marriage. We control our own finances and we luxuriate in our own beds.

We can pleasure ourselves instead of it being demanded of us that we pleasure someone else. I’ve so had it with that! Pseudo Boyfriend Number Two thinks his “problem” is that I’m not doing enough. It doesn’t work that way! Two weeks ago I was ready for him to try the magic pill, but last week I had a cold—could there be a psychological reason to get sick about now?—and this week he distanced me with his pessimistic and pedantic ranting.

I don’t know how to get him to change his conversation. I stopped him mid sentence (this was after maybe an hour) and told him he was wearing me out. Ten minutes later I went home. None of this “It’s not you, it’s me.” It is you, Buddy.

So why do I keep going over to his house? It was Friday night, I wanted a beer, and I knew he’d have one. But my friends were at the marina sitting around on the outdoor carpet with a 12-pack. Why didn’t I join them? I wanted to get lucky!

Somehow I keep thinking I’ll like him. Sometimes I do. But he’s such a crap shoot, I think I should go for a better bet: Good Vibrations. Oh, Yikes! Adults only! Click on that link at your own risk—the Good Vibes website has TOO MUCH INFORMATION!